Decoding the Emotional Code: Understanding Mood Swings and Unspoken Words

Yo, guys! So, I recently heard about this awesome author named Nancy Chodorow. She's an American sociologist and psychoanalyst who's known for her work on gender studies. Her studies are so mind-blowing that I could relate each word to my own life. After reading her stuff, my mind was so blown that I couldn't resist writing this blog. I felt like all you dudes out there need to know this stuff. If you understand these things on time, your life will become much easier, and you'll get a lot of mental support.

Now, let me share some key points from her thesis along with my own experiences. If you like them, be sure to share them. Her thesis has a lot more, but I've picked the ones I could personally relate to, and I think they should be shared with everyone.

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Thesis Point: Boys are taught to hide their feelings and not express emotions due to societal expectations.

My Perspective: This can make it tough for men to connect emotionally and can lead to more emotional distress. I realized this when I made friends with some awesome ladies in my thirties. I learned that gender doesn't matter when it comes to sharing your feelings. It's crucial to express yourself. When I told them that I couldn't do all this, they encouraged me to talk to my wife. They even taught me how to initiate conversations with her and how to handle her mood swings. Now, I can openly talk to my wife about anything, and she respects my feelings, providing me with a safe space to express myself. Big thanks to my female friends!

Practical Example: When I was a young boy, I used to get teased at school for crying, and my friends would say, "Are you a girl? Girls cry. Are you a boy? Boys don't cry." It was like they were saying I would turn into a girl if I cried.

Practical Solution: We need parents to step up and have open conversations about emotions with their sons. Young boys often don't know how to handle such situations, and their friends won't have the answers. Mothers need to break down the invisible wall and talk to their sons, while fathers need to remove their own invisible wall to create an environment where their children can openly share their feelings.

After marriage, this responsibility falls on both the husband and wife. Not everyone is lucky like me to have a female friend who understood this and explained it to me.

Thesis Point: Women often take on the responsibility of emotional labor, while men are discouraged from engaging in it.

My Perspective: This unequal distribution can strain relationships and hinder personal growth for men. If a girl expects her partner to understand her mood swings during her period and not react, then it's also her responsibility to not react or ignore it when the guy says something in anger occasionally. And especially, she shouldn't bring up the things the guy said in anger ten days ago during the next argument.

Practical Example: My wife expects me to comfort her during her periods, tolerate her anger, and ignore what she says. She also expects a hug. Similarly, I expect her NOT TO CRY when I AM angry and then sit quietly, just listening to me. No response or reaction, just listen and ignore what I said during my outburst. When I cool down, I realize what I said was wrong.

Practical Solution: Men can support emotionally by empathetically listening. You must have seen how guys become happy when they hang out with their buddies who understand their jokes. They listen without judging. If you create an environment at home where your words are heard without judgment, it will be the best mental support for men.

Thesis Point: Men are pressured to repress their emotions to maintain dominance and avoid appearing weak.

Perspective: Suppressing emotions can harm men's mental health, leading to higher rates of depression and aggression.

Practical Example: Many guys feel like they have to hide their sadness after a breakup because they fear that showing emotion will make them look weak. Few guys cry. Most of their male friends take them out for drinks and say, "Drink up and forget about it." That's just a temporary solution. What they actually need is someone they can openly share their feelings with and cry in front of. That's super important.

Practical Solution: Promoting emotional intelligence and creating safe spaces for men to express themselves can help break the cycle of repression. I've actually written a separate blog post about it "Breaking the Silence: Creating an Atmosphere for Men to Open Up".

Thesis Point: Patriarchal structures reinforce the idea that emotional expression is feminine, leading to a power imbalance.

Perspective: We need to challenge these structures to encourage healthier emotional expression in both men and women. The balance is crucial, and education and awareness are the solutions. I understood all this at the age of 35, but if we start teaching kids these things from a young age, they won't have to face as many mental health issues later on. We should encourage children to speak their minds and not hide their feelings.

Practical Example: The expectation that men should always be strong and in control limits their ability to show vulnerability in relationships. Both men and women can actively support and understand each other's emotional experiences, promoting equal emotional expression for all.

Practical Solution: Education and awareness can challenge gender stereotypes and encourage emotional expression for everyone.

Thesis Point: Male inexpressiveness can be passed down through generations, perpetuating emotional suppression.

Perspective: Recognizing and challenging these norms within families can lead to healthier emotional dynamics for future generations. If we don't address this, it becomes an unspoken culture that no one knows where or how it started. They just say, "Our ancestors did it, so you have to do it too," without any reasoning.

Practical Example: A child who grows up seeing his father rarely express emotions will struggle with emotional openness as an adult. That happens because they think that if their father was like that, it must be the right way to live. This is really harmful to men's mental health.

Practical Solution: Breaking the cycle requires open communication and modeling healthy emotional expression within families. Men can actively engage in conversations about emotions with their children, promoting emotional openness and healthier family dynamics.

Thesis Point: Male inexpressiveness creates a disconnect between inner emotions and external behavior.

Perspective: Developing emotional literacy and encouraging open communication can bridge this gap. Men can work on developing emotional intelligence, learning to communicate their emotions genuinely and authentically. And if needed, don't hesitate to seek external help. By external help, I mean therapists. After a few sessions, they can be really helpful, but damn, they can be expensive. Luckily, during my running journey, I had some female friends who did the therapist's work for free. Not everyone is as lucky as me... LOL! 

Practical Example: I couldn't speak my heart out before. I used to think that the person who loves me should automatically understand what's going on inside me. But, come on, no one is a mind reader. Until you say out loud what's weighing on your heart, no one will understand. It's really silly to expect someone to understand you without you telling them. Until you speak up and let others know what's bothering you, they won't have a clue about your emotional state.

Practical Solution: Learning to identify and express emotions effectively can help men bridge the gap between their inner feelings and outward behavior.

So, guys, let's break free from these barriers and embrace our emotions. It's time to create a healthier and happier environment for everyone. Express yourself, support each other, and let's rock life together!